| Annette's husband, Phil, announced that one of his vendors had offered him a job. It would mean a tremendous career move as well as a nice raise, but it would also require relocating to Pennsylvania, quite a jump from their home in Tennessee.
While Annette was excited about the job's potential, her mind couldn't help but flood with questions. "What about my catering business?" she thought. "What about moving so far away from our friends and family? What are the schools like there? And where in the world is Altoona, Pennsylvania, anyway?"
Each year, we help hundreds of "Annettes" successfully survive the transition involved in moving to new communities. On the one hand, these Godly business women know that if their husbands' job transfers are in God's will, then they will follow Ruth's example and "where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay" (Ruth 1:16). Yet faith never comes without risk, and leaving a successful career behind to become a "trailing spouse" is always a step of faith.
"Trailing spouse" is the real estate term used to refer to the spouse who follows his or her partner to a new location due to a job transfer. While the term has traditionally been synonymous with the wife, in today's society, more and more husbands are taking on the role of trailing spouse. This particular article refers to trailing wives, but the tips provided should be implemented by trailing husbands as well.
From Business Professional to Trailing Wife
Husbands who take on a new job role in a new location often must quickly dive into work, leaving their wives to handle all the intricate details involved with a move, including settling their families into their new community. On top of those pressures, these wives are simultaneously hit with two of the top five most stressful situations around: moving and unemployment.
How well the trailing wife adapts is essential to how well her husband will succeed in his new job role. Therefore, we've found it's imperative that wives prepare themselves to successfully endure life as a trailing spouse. The following steps can help wives do just that.
1. Seek God's Guidance.
The first thing we always stress to anyone considering a move, whether across town or across country, is to seek God's will. Before anything else, search to determine whether or not this move is truly part of God's plan. If it is, then pray without ceasing about the move. Make your prayers specific, including petitions for finding a home, locating a new job, choosing a school system, selecting a church, making new friends, and other various aspects involved in the move. Then trust in God's Word and cling to His promises daily.
2. Seek God's Protection.
As mentioned, many trailing wives are left to handle the details of the move while their husbands are busy with their work. Wives can easily begin resenting their husband's new job or, if left unchecked, even their husbands.
As Christian women, it is important to pray for God's protection in our marriages, especially when letdowns, such as those involved in moving to a new community, can easily creep up. Try to remember that your husband's busyness in his new job will likely only last for a few months, so ask God for patience.
In the mean time, however, you and your husband should schedule time together as a couple in your new home, as well as time with your family. Being in a new community presents a great opportunity for fun activities as you, your husband, and your kids enjoy finding things to do in your new hometown.
3. Be Prepared.
Being knowledgeable about moving is key to a successful transition. Much of this information should be gathered long before the move transpires, when possible. Specifically, you will want obtain information about a number of topics, including the following key issues:
- Learn about the relocation itself. As a trailing spouse, you can ease much of your anxiety over the relocation by learning about what your husband's new assignment entails. When possible, try to meet with someone in your husband's company so that your questions about the job can be answered first hand. If either you or your husband is uncomfortable with such an idea, you can at least write down your list of questions so that your husband can find out the answers for you.
- Learn about your new community. You will want to learn everything you can about your new area, from tourist spots, to climate, to school systems, to real estate. Contacting the local tourist and visitor's bureau is a good place to start. Searching the Internet is another option. Your REALTOR® and ministries such as EXODUS can help you gather additional information as well, including materials on area churches and schools.
- Learn about your career options. As you are looking for information about you new community, be sure to gather data on the employment market in the area. If you currently work outside your home, discuss with your husband before the move if and when you will want to start a new job. Trailing spouses have a number of work-related options, from taking a short sabbatical, to starting in a new career field, to working from home.
4. Build Ties with Your New Community - NOW
Finally, the most difficult part of moving is leaving behind the relationships that you've built in your community. When moving to a new area, it's smart to begin building new relationships as quickly as possible, even before the move.
- Corporate Ties. Start your job search now. Even if you won't be moving for several months, beginning now allows you to gain contacts that may be valuable as you get closer to your move. Also, your husband's company may offer you relocation assistance to help you find a job.
- Professional Ties. One of the smartest moves you can make is to find a professional REALTOR® to help you through your move. That's why we refer moving individuals and families for free to pre-screened, professional REALTORS® and Christian community specialists. They will help you find a new home, and will assist you in getting info about the local schools, churches and the community as a whole. It's much easier to work with someone who knows the community, who shares your values and whom you can trust, than to try to go it alone.
- Personal Ties. If you have hobbies or interests you are currently involved in, you can research if and where you can become involved in these activities in your new community. Also, try to get the names of other wives who may have recently followed their husbands to your new location. Then contact those wives to find out about their experiences, as well as to start building potential friendships.
- Christian Ties. Finding a church and getting involved quickly is one of the most essential aspects of any move. God designed us for community and it is not healthy for us mentally, emotionally, or spiritually to go it alone for any length of time. Again, our ministry has resources that can help you locate a church in your new community. If you think you've found the right church home, ask for names of members who are close to you in age, whose children are close in age, or who have other common ties with you. Contact them and start a friendship early.
Finally, rejoice for the Lord is good! While moving to a new community can be stressful, it can also be exciting and fun. Take time out for your family as well as for yourself. Visit the local tourist spots. Search for a favorite new coffee shop, restaurant, or bookstore. If you have difficulty finding a new job, consider volunteering somewhere or even going back to school. This is a great time to take advantage of those things you've always wanted to do but never had the opportunity.
Most of all, remember that God is faithful to the faithful (Psalm 18:25). You are to be commended for your commitment to His plans, especially when they do not coincide with your own. Hebrews 11:6 tells us that "without faith it impossible to please God," and yet "He rewards those who earnestly seek Him." Seek God first every single day, then be prepared for the plans God has in store for you, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future!" (Jeremiah 29:11)
Author Allison Hester works for the EXODUS Network, an organization that provides moving families with a number of free resources, including connecting them to professional Realtors® and Christian Community Specialists.
EXODUS Network
http://www.exodusnetwork.com |
